my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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