She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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