i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
