i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Green mimosas i think yes
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
