somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize