He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
