So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
