Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
