Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I love you.
Bad choice
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
