happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
