Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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