watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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