just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
