You're completely useless in the revolution.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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