Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
