5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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