I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
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