So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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