I think scott just propositioned me for sex
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
