I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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