Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
