You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
