Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
