farters have to be the big spoon...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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