I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
