At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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