I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
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