Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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