My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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