Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
