i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
