Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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