I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
