god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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