Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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