i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
