Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
