I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
