Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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