tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
