You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
