I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
