On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
