apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
