i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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