Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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