I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
