Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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