What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My underwear smells like fireworks.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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