hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
