I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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