Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
