just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
