Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
