it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
