how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
