That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
