I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
