I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
not ubering you a puppy
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
