I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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