sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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