its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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