I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
