You smell like a Billy Joel song
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
