The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize