you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
