Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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