I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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