i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
