i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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