dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
