So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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