my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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