call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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